


Out of Bounds and Off the Trail

by escritoireazul



Category: Baby-Sitters Club - Ann M. Martin
Genre: Blizzards & Snowstorms, F/F, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, High School, Skiing, Snowball Fight, Snowed In, Winter Break
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-21 09:11:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17040929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/escritoireazul/pseuds/escritoireazul
Summary: Abby heads up to Shadow Lake for a long weekend of skiing, snowball fights, and hot chocolate. Add in an unrequited crush, two sets of best friends, and a blizzard, and the only thing Abby can think is this: At least we're not being stalked by a failed killer this time.





	Out of Bounds and Off the Trail

**Author's Note:**

  * For [desertghost](https://archiveofourown.org/users/desertghost/gifts).



Kristy Thomas drove like she talked, like she ran, like she did everything else: too fast and with a wild abandon.

“Kristy!” Mary Anne Spier clutched the oh shit handle above the passenger door. “Slow down! You’re going to get us killed!”

Then she gasped and whipped around to look back at me, brown eyes bright with a sheen of tears. “I’m sorry, Abby! I didn’t mean it like that.”

I waved her off and forced a smile. Mary Anne cried easily, and I didn't want to deal with her all teary for the rest of the drive. She had no reason to cry, and it wasn't fun for anyone when she did. “I know. You meant that Kristy’s a terrible driver. I get that.”

“I am not!” Kristy snapped, but I felt her ease off the gas and the SUV slow down. “You worry too much, Mary Anne.”

Mary Anne frowned at me a second longer, looking sad and worried, then turned back to Kristy. “And you drive too fast. There could be black ice! The way you’re driving, you’ll never see it in time.”

“Isn’t that what black ice means?” Claudia Kishi asked. She sat in the row behind me, and when she leaned forward and hooked her arms over the back of my bench seat, I caught the sticky sweet smell of chocolate and caramel. “You don’t see it coming?”

“Not the point,” Mary Anne said, but Kristy was already laughing.

You’re probably confused right now. I don’t blame you. I’d be confused too if someone dumped me into the middle of this with no warning. Confused and maybe a little carsick with Kristin Amanda Thomas behind the wheel.

I’m Abby Stevenson. I’m a senior at Stoneybrook High School in Stoneybrook, Connecticut, where I live with my mom and my twin sister, Anna. My dad died in a car accident a long time ago. I don’t talk about him much, but I miss him all the time.

Anna’s my best friend even though we’re very different. I love sports, she loves music. I wear my dark, curly hair long, she wears hers cut short. I’m allergic to the entire world, nothing makes her sneeze. We both have scoliosis, but mine wasn’t bad enough to need treatment, she finally got her brace off last summer.

I couldn’t ask for a better sister or best friend.

It’s a good thing that I came with a built-in best friend, though, because the rest of my closest friends in Stoneybrook did, too. Everyone in the car had been paired off as best friends for years now, some of them since they were toddlers, and if I didn’t have Anna, I might feel lonely in the middle of it all.

Unfortunately, Anna hadn’t come on this trip. She and our friend Shannon Kilbourne were off with Shannon’s family spending two weeks in France. They had invited me to come along, too, but Shannon and I weren’t close, not like she was with Anna, and not even Europe’s love of the best sport in the world, soccer -- football -- was enough to tempt me into spending two whole entire weeks with the Kilbournes, who were nice enough, but pretty insular. Private school attitudes, I teased, but sometimes I meant it.

Besides. Trips to Shadow Lake were tradition. I couldn’t let Kristy down, not during our last winter break. She kept talking about how the clock was ticking down to graduation. She was obsessed with it, and the rest of us were getting a little worried.

Kristy and I met when my family moved to Stoneybrook partway through eighth grade, and we’ve been friends ever since. More or less. Usually more. Sometimes, especially when we get competitive, much less.

I lived a couple houses down from her, and of everyone in the car, we lived closest to each other. My house was almost always dark and quiet; my mom worked long hours in New York City. Kristy's house was always bright and loud because it was filled with people. She lived with her mom, step-dad, one younger brother and two younger step-siblings, an adopted little sister, and her grandmother. Sometimes her two older brothers came home to visit, too, though the older had graduated college and was working and the younger was still in school.

It was a full house, but we were always welcomed inside, too, every single one of us.

Back when I first met her, Kristy was the president of this group called the Baby-Sitters Club and pretty quickly after we met, she asked Anna and me to join. Anna said no and surprised them. I later learned that she was the first person to flat out turn them down. I said yes.

I gave them plenty of surprises too, though.

Everyone on this trip was a member of the BSC at some point. It disbanded when we all graduated from eighth grade, but we packed enough adventures into those few months after I moved here that it felt like years. We threw parties, and did fundraisers, and solved mysteries, and coached sports teams, and went on trips -- and did a whole lot of baby-sitting.

High school split us up some. We had different lunches, different classes, way more things to do before and after school, but we stayed friends. I saw Kristy more than anyone else; we rode the bus together until last year, when she got her license and a beat-up old car of her own, and now I ride in with her. We used the weight room together to save each other from drowning in the testosterone of all the football and wrestling boys. We went to sports banquets together and cheered for each other at pep rallies.

Kristy might be bossy and competitive and sometimes obnoxious, but she’s also loyal and kind and smart. A good friend to have around. A good person.

I’d been going up to Shadow Lake with Kristy and her family every winter break since eighth grade. Some summers, too. In the summer, we usually stayed for a week or two between sports camps, but in the winter, we only managed a long weekend. It was better than nothing.

And better than ever this year, because for the first time, we were allowed to go up on our own. Our parents all said things about showing how responsible we were and how grown up we were becoming and how hard we’d been working. Really, though, we all knew they were trying to figure out how to let us go off to college next year. They already struggled. It was pretty cute.

My plans for Shadow Lake always involved three things: skiing, snowball fights, and drinking enough hot chocolate the sugar rush would carry me through all four days with no sleep.

Kristy’s plans for Shadow Lake this year included terrifying us all with Watson’s brand new Audi SUV, but that was okay with me.

 

 

 

 

We scrambled out of the SUV when we finally pulled up in front of the cabin, all of us cramped and desperately needing to move. We hauled our bags inside and left our skis on the porch. Kristy, Claudia, and I brought our own. Stacey rented hers. And Mary Anne refused.

Shadow Lake was beautiful in the winter and had all the best winter sports. There was a little pond for ice skating, hiking paths that lead to great views, and challenging ski trails. I was a strong skier, but some of the double diamond trails made me work hard to get down them.

And I loved it.

Once we were inside the cabin, I took a big, deep breath. It smelled clean; Kristy’s family was careful to only use unscented cleaning products and to make sure that the entire cabin was thoroughly cleaned any time I was going to come up. They took my allergies and asthma seriously.

Cabin was a misnomer; it was a big house with a porch that wrapped all the way around it. The main room was gigantic, a kitchen, dining room, and living room all in one, with a beautiful fireplace at one end. There were four bedrooms, which doesn’t sound like much, but two of them were dorm-style, six bunk beds each and a bathroom at the front of each room. The back bedrooms and bathroom were smaller, but not by that much.

Over the years, the Thomas-Brewer family had updated the “cabin” but some things never changed: dark wood tables, patchwork quilts on the beds, big windows to let in sunlight (but that turned into one-way mirrors at night when the lights were on inside), warm rugs on the wood floors and soft, colorful throw blankets on the leather furniture.

“Who gets the master bedroom?” Claudia asked. She stood in the middle of two big suitcases and one leather satchel. Of course she’d packed too much for just a few days, though I bet at least part of one suitcase is filled with junk food.

Before a fight could break out over it, Kristy cleared her throat. “No one,” she said. “We should all sleep on the bunk beds.”

“That is fair,” Mary Anne immediately agreed. She wasn't the same pushover she sometimes was when we were younger, but when she could, she was quick to agree with her best-friend. “We won’t be here long enough for everyone to have a turn sleeping in the master bedroom.”

Kristy nodded. “And I thought it’d be nice.” Her eyebrows drew together as she frowned, but she didn’t sound angry. “One more big slumber party.”

One more, she said, but sounded like she meant one last.

I sashayed over to her and slung my arm across her shoulder. “Don’t worry, Thomas, you’ll never be rid of us, not with that giant bedroom of yours. I’m thinking about setting up a minifridge in the corner and just settling in.”

She shoved me off. “God, Abby, why must you threaten me like that?” But she laughed, and that was all I wanted.

“Come on, let’s get unpacked,” Mary Anne suggested. We gathered up our bags and ambled into one of the big bedrooms, the one we always used for the girls when we came with the entire Thomas-Brewer family. Habit. It made me laugh. No one else thought it funny.

Unpacking meant very different things to each of us. You could tell a lot about a person based on how they did certain things. Unpacking was one of them.

Claudia and Stacey commandeered separate bunks next to each other and used the bottom bunk on each to lay out their outfits. Stacey even brought hangers for a couple dresses. Claudia wasn’t as neat, so her bottom bunk was a riot of colors, but she emptied her bags.

Not just clothes, either. She hauled a bunch of junk food into the kitchen and piled make-up on top of one of the bureaus.

“How long do you think we’ll be here?” I teased them. My duffel bag went onto the bottom bunk and I was done. I didn’t care about wrinkled clothes, as long as they were comfortable and warm.

Kristy threw her backpack up onto the top bunk next to mine. “Who cares about how long, what do you guys think we’ll be doing? Hosting a ball?”

Stacey put her hands on her hips and shook back her long, thick, curly blonde hair. “We have to be prepared, Kristy.”

That made Kristy laugh harder. “Prepared for what?”

“Parties,” Claudia said witheringly. “Cute boys. Anyone could be up here! That’s part of the fun! It’s our first time here without any parents. We have to be ready for anything.”

“It’s too bad we’re not staying until New Year’s Eve,” Mary Anne said, her gentle voice breaking through the teasing. “I bet it’s beautiful here.”

“You’d rather be here than in the city?” Stacey asked, laughter threading through her words. “We can make that happen.”

“No!” Mary Anne tossed a scarf at her. “Not even a little bit. New York is the prettiest place in the world around Christmas, and I’m so excited to see the ball drop. Me! Watching it live! Maybe we’ll end up on television.”

Stacey and Claudia exchanged fond looks.

“I wouldn’t be caught dead in that crowd,” I told Mary Anne. “You’re a brave, brave woman.”

She flushed pink and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She wore her soft brown hair cropped shorter in the back and longer in the front and mostly wore it brushed to one side. There was something sweet about Mary Anne, the gentle bow of her mouth and the soft curve of her jaw. She was gentle, too, and kind, and far too sensitive. I tried to step carefully around her, because unlike Kristy, she didn’t always take my jokes well, and I hated to see someone cry.

“I love the city.” She smiled at me, a little shy still, even though we’d been friends for years. Mary Anne was like that, gentle and quiet and sweet. How she managed to remain best friends with Kristy Bossy Loudmouth Thomas since they were toddlers, I did not know.

Kristy and Mary Anne were one pair of best friends, and, of course, Stacey and Claudia were the other. Just like Kristy and Mary Anne and Anna and I were very different but still close, Stacey and Claudia were opposites in many ways. Stacey was a math genius, Claudia was smart but only liked art; Stacey was white and her family could have come across at Plymouth Rock, Claudia was second generation Japanese-American; Stacey was diabetic and rarely ate junk food, Claudia’s four food groups were candy, cookies, chips, and condiments.

Just kidding on the last one. Probably it was candy again. Claudia really loved candy.

They’re alike in some ways, too, both fashionable, friendly, and flirtatious -- and absolutely gorgeous.

I was lucky to have such a good group of friends. I had other people in my life, too; Anna and my mom, my soccer teammates, people I knew from the Jewish Community Center, even other former members of the Baby-Sitters Club, but these four, plus Anna, were my ride or die.

“I’m starving,” I said. I _was_ hungry, but mostly I wanted to break away from my slightly melancholy thoughts. These were my people, and in less than a year, we’d be off on our own, solo adventures. “Claudia, hit me up. I know you have something good to eat. Nice and healthy. Fresh greens and peppers and nothing sugary at all.”

She laughed at me and tossed a Snickers bar at my head.

I snagged it out of mid-air, tore open the wrapper, and took a big, chomping bite. Then I grinned at Claudia, showing off chocolate in my teeth.

“You look like you’ve been eating dog--” Kristy started.

Mary Anne cut her off. “Nope. No. Nuh-uh. You will keep all your gross food comments to yourself this weekend, Kristy.”

“Or what?” Kristy said.

“Or I swear to god I will make your life a living hell until graduation.” Even sweet Mary Anne had her moments. “You know what I’m talking about.”

Kristy’s cheeks burned bright red and she held up her hands, palms out. “Okay, okay, no need for that. I’ll be good.”

I didn’t know what secrets they were keeping, but I didn’t care. We all had things we'd rather not talk about even to each other.

“Really am hungry, though,” I said once I’d swallowed. “Time for a late lunch.”

We headed into the kitchen as a group and started picking through the supplies we’d brought with us. There was a store at the lodge where we could stock up on some things, but the selection was limited and it was easier to pack a cooler of our own.

Somehow, Kristy ended up in charge, barking orders. As if we needed help making grilled cheese and tomato soup.

I threw a piece of buttered bread at her. She dodged, and it landed butter side down.

That didn’t stop her from scooping it up and taking a big bite out of it.

“God, Kristy, gross!” Stacey cried, her face twisted up in a disgusted grimace, but she laughed, too.

“Five-second rule,” Kristy said. “Learn it, live it, love it.”

“Get food poisoning and die from it,” Claudia added in a terrible attempt at sotto voce.

We sat down to eat eventually, but the shared laughter was better than the food.

 

 

 

 

It was still early enough that we had time to do at least a couple of runs down the slopes. Mary Anne and Stacey bowed out, Mary Anne as usual, but Stacey said she wasn’t confident enough to ski so close to sunset. I think she just wanted to see if there were any cute boys at the lodge, but whatever the reason, she and Mary Anne headed there to drink warm drinks by the fire, Stacey with a pile of fashion magazines, Mary Anne with some knitting and a well-thumbed copy of Wuthering Heights. She made me a scarf last year in traffic cone orange and black with rainbow tinsel threaded through it. I wear it with pride.

Claudia, Kristy, and I grabbed our gear and headed straight for the ski lift.

Claudia wore a neon orange and blue ski suit with a jagged bronze stripe zigzagging down the front and the back. Her long, straight black hair was pulled back in a tight braid with glittery white and silver ribbons threaded through it, and she wore puffy silver-gray earmuffs that looked like little clouds on either side of her head.

I squinted at her. It was the earmuffs that gave it away. “Lightning during sunset?” I asked.

She beamed at me. “That’s it exactly,” she said. “I’ve been thinking about moving art and the juxtaposition of something beautiful and violent against the pristine white snow.” She said a few more arty things, but it sounded mostly like the _wah-wah-wah_ of Charlie Brown’s teacher.

I loved Claud, but when she went off on an artistic tangent, I simply could not.

Thank god Kristy interrupted us a few minutes later. The line at the ski lift was nonexistent, though the lift was still running, and we grabbed separate seats for each of us. It was peaceful, riding up the mountain. I liked noise and chaos and energy; soccer was a lot of running and shouting and relying on your teammates. But there’s something about skiing that made me happy to be alone. Silence except for the quiet shush of my skis. Cold air sharp in my lungs. The light off the snow almost painful.

We all three hit the intermediate slopes first. Shadow Lake had a couple, but my favorite was a chute straight down through the trees. The ones right at the edge of the narrow run were all evergreens and the contrast of that dark green against the white snow made me smile.

Claudia and Kristy chose another run, so I was alone as I headed down the slope. Soccer doesn’t leave much time for thinking about anything but the game. Strategy. Defense.

I didn't have to focus so hard on skiing. I skied often enough my body knew what to do, at least on this level of difficulty. I planned to hit at least one double diamond trail before we left, and I would have to pay close attention to that one.

Here, though, the trail was easy enough, powder barely packed at all; they must have had snow this morning. I started out slow and easy, and as my body warmed up, my mind drifted. Part of me wished Kristy had come down with me and not Claudia. I wanted to race her. Wanted to beat her, both because I loved to win and because I loved the look on her face when I did, a mix of annoyed and impressed.

I think I wanted to kiss her, too, when she looked like that.

I’ve never been a fan of romance, especially the kind of romance that permeated Stoneybrook, boy-crazy girls the standard and giddiness over the silliest little thing. I’ve never been a fan of boys, period, except for the ones who don’t care I’m a girl who can kick their ass in any soccer game. It was no big deal with I realized I was gay.

But I’m a pretty big fan of Kristy, as a friend and a teammate and co-coach of a young softball team -- and lately I’ve been thinking I might be a fan in some other ways, too. That was a pretty big deal, because Kristy was my friend, and I didn’t want to make things awkward between us, especially not during our last semester together.

I hadn’t yet decided what to do about it, if it was even real at all, and I didn’t like to brood. I sped up a little, searching for a good place to start carving, and worked my body hard the rest of the run. The next three, too, carving my way down the mountain, trying each of the intermediate runs, until I was exhausted and exhilarated and not worrying over any pesky emotions at all.

 

 

 

 

The next morning, we got up earlier than I wanted, but between their noise and the thrill of more skiing, I couldn’t go back to sleep if I tried. Breakfast was quick, egg sandwiches and sodas, diet for Stacey, and then everyone but Mary Anne headed for the slopes.

She’d convinced us long ago she didn’t mind staying back on her own while we skied. “I can entertain myself,” she said, and it was true. She read, and she knit, and on more than one trip, she’d found a cute boy to flirt with in her shy, smiling way. The boys fell all over that, and she was so nice about it no one could ever begrudge her a little holiday romance.

Stacey wanted to stay on the beginner slopes at first, and Claudia offered to stick around and help her get back into the swing of things. That left me and Kristy to head up the mountain, straight back for the intermediate slopes.

Though flurries kept swirling around us, there was no fresh powder and the chute was packed down much harder than it had been the afternoon before. It was mostly crust, too, in a couple places where the top layer of snow had melted down yesterday in the sun then refrozen overnight. Not my favorite kind of snow, but I could deal.

I set off first, leaving Kristy in her black and grey outfit behind me. She looked good in it. I needed a distraction.

My peace didn’t last for long. Kristy caught up with me fast, then carved hard to the right, cutting in front of me. The wind tore my outraged shout and flung it behind me, but I bet she knew how angry I was anyway.

I crouched lower, settled my balance over my skis and put as much speed on as I could. I caught her just before the end of the run and swooshed to a stop a few feet in front of her, leaning into it to twist around and face her.

“What the hell, Thomas!” I snapped as I ripped off my goggles so she could get the full extent of my glare. “You nearly clipped my skis.”

She didn’t answer at first. Took off her goggles slowly, smoothed bits of snow off her face. “I did not,” she said, calm as anything. That made my blood boil worse. “There was plenty of room.” Then, sly, she added, “If you were a skier of my caliber, you would have been able to tell.”

I made an inarticulate noise of rage and started moving before I really thought about what I was doing. I lunged down and shoved my hand into the snow. It was packed pretty tight down here where so many skiers lingered at the end of their runs, but I managed to tear out a chunk of it. I threw it as I straightened. Everything was fast enough I caught Kristy off guard and that chunk of snow slammed into her face.

She bellowed when it hit and staggered backward. Her skis crossed and down she went, flat on her back, legs twisted. For a terrible second, I thought I’d really hurt her, broken her nose with that hard snow, maybe, or made her sprain her ankles or knees when she fell.

“Damn it, Stevenson!” Kristy sputtered as she frantically wiped snow off her face. “You’re an asshole.”

That made me laugh and my anger drained away. I unfastened my skis, stepped off them, and headed over to her. She frowned up at me, cheeks bright red. Her dark brown hair, pulled back into a ponytail, glittered with snow, and her eyes, snapping bright with anger now, were dark and deep in the warm daylight.

I offered her my hand, but I didn’t trust her, and I was ready to duck to one side when she flung a snowball at me. She’d had it hidden at her side, but even with her good aim, when I was ready, I could move fast.

“Thought you had better aim than that,” I teased and offered her my hand again. She scoffed, but grabbed it and let me start to pull her back to her feet.

Then she wrapped her other hand around my wrist, too, and dropped backward, throwing her weight into it. She hit the snow hard again, but I hit harder, and face first.

The snow was packed down enough it hurt to land on it, but I couldn’t stop laughing even as snow fell into my mouth. It was dirty and I spluttered it out and managed to shove myself over onto my back.

“Not a bad throw, Thomas,” I told her. Neither of us were wrestlers, but we had friends on the school team. You pick up a thing or two, watching them. (Barbara was the first girl on the SHS wrestling team, and we started showing up just to support that, especially when the boys -- and their parents -- tried to stop her. Eventually, we became friends.)

We lay next to each other for a moment, both of us laughing hard enough we were out of breath.

“Sorry I cut you off,” Kristy said at last. I sat up, shaking snow from my head.

“Eh, you gave me plenty of room.” We were silent, then I snuck a glance at her and added, “I still beat you, so your cheating didn’t even help.”

“I wasn’t cheating!” she squawked, grabbed another handful of snow, and it was back on.

We got kicked off the trails for the rest of the day because we got in everyone’s way and accidentally hit some middle-aged man with a wayward snowball. Worth it.

 

 

 

 

That night, after a warm dinner of homemade lasagna (Mary Anne was a genius in the kitchen) and garlic bread, we all bundled up again and took thermoses of hot chocolate (hot tea for Stacey) with us on a hike.

There was an easy trail that went up into the woods behind the cabin. It wasn’t too steep and this time of year, there was little undergrowth to trip anyone up. It was the most popular trail, too, and the caretakers kept the snow smoothed down.

We didn’t have to go very far to get a good view, either. There was a clearing only about fifteen minutes up the mountain that let us look out over the lake. Though some of the cabins had lights on inside and the lodge itself still had its Christmas lights up, for the most part, the lake and the land spread out before us was dark and the sky awash in stars.

Mary Anne poured us all drinks. Steam from my chocolate curled around my face bringing with it the smell of sugar and peppermint.

“Oh,” Mary Anne said with a little gasp. I glanced at her, but she was staring at the sky. “Shooting star. Everyone make a wish.”

I liked the idea of something bright falling through the darkness, burning hot and fast. Racing gravity and its own death, and winning for a time.

Didn’t believe in wishes, though.

Mary Anne closed her eyes. Her eyelashes were long and dark against her pale skin, her cheeks flushed from cold. I didn’t understand her always, her gentleness and the slow, methodical way she approached things, good and bad, but I appreciated her. Especially in times like this. Kristy and I would have charged on up the trail. Claudia and Stacey might not have come out at night in the cold at all, or even come this far from a city.

Mary Anne balanced us all.

Kristy looked at Mary Anne then glanced sideways at me and mimed dropping snow down the back of her coat. I managed not to bust out laughing, but my smile was so wide it hurt. Neither of us would do it, not right now, but it was a funny thought.

Maybe tomorrow, we should have a snowball fight with everyone, not just the two of us.

“Will you two ever grow up?” Stacey whispered, but she was smiling. Claudia had one hand on Stacey’s shoulder and her face tipped up toward the sky. She wore handmade fingerless gloves knit from dark purple and light pink; it stood out against Stacey’s pristine white winter coat.

Cold? Yes. But fashionable, and that was more important, per Stacey and Claudia. I’d take my fleece-lined gloves any day.

Stacey gave an exaggerated shiver. “Not that this isn’t fun,” she said, “but this tea isn’t cutting it. I’m freezing. Are you ready to go back?”

When Mary Anne gave a happy little sigh, a soft cloud of white steam billowed past her lips. “Yes,” she said. “I think that fireplace will feel good right about now.”

Kristy led us down the trail, Stacey and Claudia right behind her, close together as they whispered and giggled. I kept to the back of the group, watching Kristy’s ponytail swing, uninhibited by the warm winter sports band that covered her ears and ran under her hair.

Mary Anne fell into step next to me. “Dawn said to tell you hello,” she said, startling me.

I opened my mouth, then snapped it shut again, not sure what I wanted to say. Something sarcastic might be funny, but Mary Anne very well could take it the wrong way, too. I wasn’t sure I was ready to be friendly toward Dawn, though.

Dawn Schafer is Mary Anne’s stepsister. She lives in California with her younger brother, her dad, her stepmother, and her half-sister, but every summer and spring break, she comes to Stoneybrook to visit her mom, Mary Anne, and Mary Anne’s dad. Dawn is Mary Anne’s other best friend and a former member of the Baby-Sitters Club.

This year, she had also been my summer girlfriend.

It had started out fun, flirting and making-out and teaching her how to play soccer while she showed me surfing, even if the waves here were too small and our beaches terrible according to her; she was a California girl through and through.

Things got awkward after we hooked up at the beginning of August. It was my first time. It wasn’t hers. Neither of us wanted something long-distance, but something changed anyway. I’m still not sure what. By the time she left, we couldn’t be in the same room without feeling weird.

It put me off the idea of dating a friend, that’s for sure. Which was kind of unfortunate considering all the other things I was feeling.

“How’s she doing?” I finally asked.

Mary Anne bumped her arm against mine. “Shocked that we came out here in the snow.”

I glanced at her. “We go every year.”

She laughed. “And every year Dawn is shocked.” Our arms bumped together again. Still on purpose, I thought. “She can be set in her ways for someone who’s supposed to be all laid-back and California casual.”

We walked in silence a couple minutes. She broke it first.

“We miss seeing you around the house,” she said. She kept her eyes on the trail, and her voice was softer than ever. “Sharon asked about you before I went to Kristy’s.”

Sharon was Mary Anne's stepmother and, more importantly for this, Dawn’s mom. I was surprised to hear she’d given me any thought at all. She didn’t care that Dawn was bisexual, and she had been friendly whenever I was around last summer, but something had gone weird between me and her daughter. I didn’t expect her to be nice to me after.

“I miss your dad’s steaks for sure,” I teased.

“Not the sneezing?” Mary Anne laughed. I was painfully allergic to her beloved cat, Tigger, but I took plenty of allergy meds and Dawn and I had made it work.

I shoved lightly at her shoulder. “I sneeze everywhere,” I reminded her. “At least Tigger’s a cute thing that makes me sneeze.”

Mary Anne smiled. “You should come to dinner sometime,” she said. I must have made a face, because she was quick to add, “It’ll be fun. No one’s --” she stopped, struggling for a word. “Upset,” she said at last. “No one’s going to make it weird.”

The fact that she had to say that already made it weird, but I knew what she meant.

“Thanks,” I said. Our arms touched again, and I was glad all over again that I’d been lucky enough to make such good friends when my entire life was uprooted from Long Island to Stoneybrook. At the time, I hadn't really wanted to move, even though the memories of my dad everywhere broke my heart every single day.

Now, I was glad we'd gone. 

 

 

 

 

Kristy made me jump when she grabbed my foot.

“Stop,” she said, holding it still. “You’re killing me.”

“What?”

“That incessant jiggling! I can’t take it anymore.”

I hadn’t even noticed I’d been twitching my foot. We were all sprawled around the fire drinking hot drinks and trying to keep ourselves occupied. I didn’t do too well sitting still. Mary Anne and Stacey were reading, Claudia sketching, and Kristy dozing, but I had an impossible time just sitting there.

I twitched my foot harder against her palm.

“Damn it, Abby.” Kristy dropped my foot and smacked my calf. Her hand rested there a moment after. I was hyper aware of the weight of her touch, the heat of her palm and each individual finger. She looked at me, eyes sleepy, face flushed from the warmth this close to the fire.

“Look!” Claudia cried, startling us both. Kristy pulled her hand away fast, or maybe I jerked my leg. I couldn’t tell who moved first. “It’s snowing.”

We all scrambled for the big windows that overlooked the trees. Normally at night, with the lights on, they were basically mirrors, but we had all the lights off but one lamp near the fire so Claudia could see well enough to draw. The room was dark enough for us to see the fat white flakes tumbling down. They fell fast and already a fresh layer of powder covered the ground, burying the footprints we’d left earlier. If it kept up all night, there'd be great skiing in the morning.

Kristy grabbed my arm with one hand and Stacey’s with the other. “Come on!” She dragged us toward the door, way too strong for someone that short. Solid muscle. I kind of liked her hauling me around. All I had to do was dig in my legs and I could stop her, but letting her lead was fine.

For a minute or two.

“What? Kristy, no!” Stacey balked and pulled back against her momentum. “It’s cold out there! And wet! We just got warm and dry.”

Kristy stopped short and dropped our arms. “You can stay in here,” she said, and her mouth twitched. “But this might be our last snowfall at Shadow Lake, and I’m going to enjoy it.”

She stomped forward, grabbed her coat, hat, boots, and gloves, and was out the door before we could say anything, not even fully dressed against the cold yet.

Claudia squinted after her. “Watson and Elizabeth aren’t selling the cabin, are they?” she asked. I turned to Mary Anne because she, of any of us, was the most likely to have an answer.

Her lips were turned down and her eyes soft. “I don’t think so,” Mary Anne said. “This is about college next year, I think.”

“She knows we’ll still have winter break, right? Our lives don’t end at graduation.” I couldn’t stop the words before they spilled out.

Stacey rolled her eyes. “Yes, of course she does, Abby, god. But maybe that’s how it feels for her.” She folded her hands together and pressed them against her stomach. “Sometimes I can’t even imagine what next year will be like.”

If calm, mature, sophisticated Stacey had concerns, no wonder Kristy did.

I squared my shoulders and headed toward the coat rack, all our boots scattered around it. “I think Kristy needs a good, old-fashioned snowball fight,” I told them as I got dressed. “Who’s in?”

Kristy was going to love this, especially when everyone else got ready, too. I flung open the front door and stepped out onto the wide porch --

\-- and straight into a snowball.

Kristy’s aim was true and her arm strong; she wasn’t a softball star for nothing. It hit hard enough I staggered a little, then flung myself to the side in case another one followed that I couldn’t see.

Stacey shrieked, and I scrubbed at my face, wiping away snow until I could see again. Stacey’d been hit, too, though she’d managed to turn her head some, and the side of her face was coated with snow, her hair sparkling with it.

“Kristy!” She spat out a mouthful of snow. “I’m going to kill you!”

Laughter rang out. “You’ll have to catch me, first!” Another snowball came sailing out of the darkness, but everyone was ready now and no one got hit.

I crawled over to the porch rail, keeping behind the heavy wood furniture as best I could. There wasn’t enough light to see more than a few inches past the porch; Kristy could be anywhere in the yard, down the path toward the lodge already, or somewhere in the trees.

“Abby?” Claudia’s voice was low and somewhere off to my right. I slipped back toward it and found her and Stacey crouched behind a chair with a high back, the seat wide enough for two people. “You’re good at this kind of thing. What’s the plan?”

I dropped onto my butt and wiped snow out of my ear. How had it even gotten in there? “There’s four of us,” I said. “That’s enough to flank her -- if we can find her. We need to get away from the cabin, there’s too much light on us and none on her.”

Claudia nodded. “Should we turn off all the lights?” she asked. “Or turn them on and try to catch Kristy getting closer?”

“Good ideas,” I told her. She preened a little. For all that she’s confident about her art, I think she still needs to hear that she says smart things, too. She doesn’t get enough of that from her teachers. “Lights off first. Maybe we can surprise her.”

“Who’s going to make a run for the door?” Claudia asked.

It wasn’t all that far, and it was a snowball fight, anyway, nothing that would actually get us hurt, but I loved how seriously she took it.

“Where’s Mary Anne?” Stacey asked suddenly. I snapped around to look at her, then scanned the porch. Sure enough, Mary Anne was nowhere in sight. The front door stood open, but I couldn’t see her inside.

“Did she duck back inside?” I asked.

Stacey shrugged. “She was right behind us,” she said. “I thought she came out, too.”

“If she’s inside, maybe she can hit the lights,” Claudia said. She leaned closer to the door, almost at the edge of the chair. “Mary Anne! Mary Anne!”

“She doesn’t think that’s a whisper, does she?” I asked Stacey, my voice loud enough for Claudia to hear. She flipped me off, and I slammed my fist against my mouth to smother my shout of laughter.

“Mary Anne, if you can hear me, turn off the lights.”

A few seconds ticked by with no response. Claudia settled back next to us. “What’s the plan now?” she asked. “ _Should_ we send someone to turn off all the lights?”

I rose up into a crouch. “I’ll go,” I said, and took a deep breath. I wasn’t a great sprinter, not like this, no warmup and away from the soccer field, but I was better suited for it than either of them.

The lights clicked off.

I staggered forward, surprised, and caught myself hard on my hands. I was stretched out toward the door, my upper body no longer hidden behind the chair, and I couldn’t see anything as my eyes struggled to adjust to the sudden darkness.

Maybe Kristy couldn’t see us, either. I sure hoped.

Movement near the door.

“Mary Anne?” Claudia called, her voice small and quiet. No answer.

“Shit,” Stacey whispered. “I don’t like this. Turn the lights back on.” Her voice cracked. “Please.”

I didn’t get why she was upset at first, but then it hit me: once, back in eighth grade, she’d been held hostage by a guy stalking us right here at Shadow Lake, in the middle of a blizzard. He’d threatened to drown her in the ice-cold lake. Why he tormented us was a long story; basically, he’d been after vengeance for his father, and tried to get it by terrorizing a bunch of thirteen-year-old girls.

This wasn’t like that at all, but I couldn’t blame her for suddenly feeling creeped out. I scrambled to my feet and stepped toward the door, hands out to make sure I didn’t walk into anything. I could start to make out shadowy shapes against the darkness, but my eyes hadn’t quite adjusted yet.

There was no warning when the lights kicked back on and someone dove through the doorway, grabbing me and dragging me off the porch.

I shrieked, pounding my fists against the person clinging to me, and then I was on my back in a pile of snow, pinned down by Kristy who was laughing so hard she was shaking. Claudia and Stacey were screaming on the porch, and I heard Mary Anne shout something, but I couldn’t take my eyes off Kristy.

She looked so pleased with herself, eyes wide and bright, crinkled a little at the corners from her laughter. Her cheeks were flushed pink, and her smile was huge. The end of her ponytail dangled over her shoulder, the tips of her hair just brushing my cheek.

“Got you,” she teased, taking one hand off me so she could sprinkle snow into my face.

I don’t know what made me do it, but the second my arm was free, I reached up and slid my hand along the back of her neck, then tugged her closer. Kristy’s eyes widened further, but then I was kissing her and my own eyes fluttered shut. Her lips were chapped, her skin cold, and her breath warm; her body locked tight, the back of her neck hard under my hand, but her mouth moved against mine, the kiss warm and wet.

I broke it off first, breathing hard. She stayed close, staring at me, the hand still on my arm clenched tight.

Then she shoved herself off me and scrambled to her feet, leaving me alone in the cold snow.

 

 

 

 

The snowball fight broke up after that. No one else seemed to notice how awkward things were between Kristy and me now. They were too busy teasing Mary Anne for how fast she’d changed sides and congratulating Kristy on her successful sneak attacks.

We were all soaked and freezing, so we took turns making our way through the showers and heating up food and drinks. Kristy made sure she was never alone with me or really even near me at all; when I walked back into the big living room after my shower, she immediately sat down next to Mary Anne on one of the couches, tucked between her best friend and the arm of the couch, leaving no room for me.

Not that I was looking for room. She’d made things perfectly clear outside.

I smiled and laughed, teased Stacey about how meticulously she applied various lotions while we all lounged around the fire, all the lights on and the curtains closed over the windows. Talk turned to gossip, starting with the winter dance a couple weeks ago and how much fun everyone’d had; Stacey went with the guy she’d been flirting with all through November and December, Claudia with a cute guy from her art class, and Mary Anne with her steady boyfriend this year, Pete Black. Kristy and I had gone together but not _together_ , and though we'd had a blast at the time, it made me cringe a little now.

I hid it well, I think. At least, no one seemed to notice.

It was nearly two a.m. before we gave in to our yawning and headed into the bedroom. I lingered in the bathroom after taking out my contacts and washing my face. I wanted to give Kristy plenty of time to climb into her bunk before I went anywhere near mine.

A sudden fear struck me. Maybe she’d switched bunk beds completely. That would be awkward to explain to the others, but if things were weird enough between us, and they sure felt like it, switching would make sense. I couldn’t blame her for it. I’d just feel bad.

When I finally left the bathroom --

“What the hell are you doing in there?” Claudia demanded. “I need to pee.”

“I hear the great outdoors makes for a good bathroom,” I called back.

“I’m not freezing my ass off just because you’re a bathroom hog!”

\-- Kristy was still in the bunk next to mine, covers pulled up over her head.

I climbed up into my bunk and rolled onto my side, my back to Kristy, even though that was my least favorite way to sleep. Claudia shut off the lights when she came back from the bathroom, and quiet settled over us. I heard Claudia and Stacey whisper for a few seconds and Mary Anne turn from side to side trying to get comfortable, but soon their breathing steadied out and I figured they were asleep.

Kristy’s breath didn’t. I pictured her lying awake just a few feet from me. I hated it. I never wanted to make things awkward. I never meant to kiss her, but that moment had felt perfect, snow and laughter and Kristy pinning me down. Just like one of those ridiculous romantic comedies Mary Anne and Anna both loved.

I’d fucked up. I just hoped our friendship could survive it.

 

 

 

 

I don’t know when I fell asleep, but when I woke up, it was still dark out. The wind howled outside, and at first I thought that’s what had woken me, but then I heard someone ease the bedroom door shut. I sat up and squinted in the darkness; I could just make out Stacey, Mary Anne, and Claudia, but next to me, Kristy’s bed was empty.

Probably I should leave her alone, but we needed to talk at least a little bit, and this looked like the best chance I had of getting her alone to do it. To apologize, and to make sure she knew it would never happen again.

My foot slipped on the third rung, and I nearly crashed to the floor, wrenching my left hand as I clutched at the ladder. I expected someone else to wake up, but either they slept hard or it wasn’t nearly as loud as it felt.

I cradled my hand against my stomach as I made my way across the bedroom, trying hard not to walk into anything. It took me a second to find the door handle, but when I cracked open the door, there was enough light in the living room that I didn’t have to worry about tripping.

Kristy stood at the big windows, one curtain pulled back so she could see out.

“It’s snowing harder than ever,” she said without looking back. “Might even be a blizzard.”

“Been awhile since we had one of those while we were here.” I watched her closely, expecting to see her flinch when she realized it was me, but she just nodded and kept watching the storm.

The floor was cold beneath my feet as I padded across the room. I should have put on socks, but I could not get to sleep while wearing them and I'd been in too much of a hurry to follow Kristy to think about it when I got up.

Kristy turned around when I got close, and I realized she could see me reflected in the window. She had watched me come near.

“I’m sorry,” I said, but she spoke over the top of me.

“I suck, Abby, sorry.”

We both stopped, and Kristy gave this weird little laugh, then rubbed the back of her neck.

“Me first,” I said and saw her jaw tighten, but I bulled forward before she said anything. “I’m sorry. What I did wasn’t cool. I didn’t mean to make things weird. I hope they’re not. I’m not going to, you know, throw myself at you or anything.”

She looked at me then, her entire face flushed red. “Not even if I ask nicely?”

Wait, what.

I gaped at her, and she laughed again, this time the full-throated one I knew so well.

“I’m sorry I freaked out,” she said. She dropped her hand from her neck and tucked both into her pockets. Benefit of wearing flannel pants marketed for boys: real pockets. “You surprised me.”

“Sorry about that,” I said again, because what else was I going to say. I still didn’t know what to make of this conversation.

“Don’t be.” Kristy smiled. “I liked it.”

I opened my mouth. Shut it. Opened it again. She watched me, and her smile got bigger.

“Abby Stevenson, speechless.” She shook her head. “Never thought I’d see the day.”

“So you’re not mad,” I said, my words slow, “and you’re not freaked out.”

Her smile went softer. “No. Sorry about that. I didn’t mean to be weird. I didn’t expect it, and then I wasn’t sure what to say.”

I waited, but she didn’t add anything else.

“We’re okay then?” This time, it was an actual question.

“We’re great.” Kristy took her hands out of her pockets and walked toward me. I remained still. This was weird, and not at all how I’d expected this conversation to go. And maybe I was still half asleep, because I couldn’t seem to get my thoughts caught up to what she was saying.

“I want to kiss you again, Abby.” Kristy stopped just before our bodies touched. “Okay?”

“You didn’t kiss me,” I popped off without thinking. “I kissed you. One-zero, Abby.”

She barked a laugh, and I found myself grinning.

“I’ll have to try harder,” she said, and then she moved in close. I put my hands on her waist; she slid one arm around me, put the other on my shoulder. It was strangely awkward, a little like formal dancing when neither person knew what to do with their hands, but I didn’t care, not when she tilted her face up to kiss me. I was taller than she was, but Kristy was a little powerhouse, and she dominated the kiss this time, her mouth working hard against mine, her hands clutched tight, her tongue slipping past my lips.

We kissed each other breathless, fighting over control as much as enjoying each other. It was better than I could have imagined, even better than that first kiss in the snow. We kissed until my lips were sore and my body aching. We kissed until the cold seeped into my toes and I couldn’t stand it anymore.

We kissed right there in the middle of the room. The roof might have fallen in, the windows broken by the storm, and I wouldn’t care. I wouldn’t stop kissing her.

Finally, Kristy pulled back enough to smirk up at me. “Pretty sure that’s ten-one, Kristy.”

I snorted. “Why do you get all those points?” I demanded. “I did just as much work.”

“Oh, work was it?” She punched my arm, and not very lightly, either. I was used to that from her, though, and gave as good as I got. “Well, if it’s too much work and you don’t want to do it again…”

“I never said that,” I rushed to add, and we went back to kissing.

 

 

 

 

We made it to one of the couches at some point, and that’s where we were when Stacey came out of the bedroom, looking far too put together for first thing in the morning with a sleek, warm robe over her pajamas and cute slippers.

Kristy and I weren’t kissing, mostly dozing, but Stacey’s happy little noise woke us both.

“I knew it!” she said louder. “I knew it!”

“Shut up!” Claudia yelled back. “Some of us are sleeping.”

“Sleep talking, I guess.” Mary Anne giggled as she came out of the bedroom, then froze, staring at Kristy and me. We tried to get untangled from each other and the blankets, but I knew it was too late. It probably looked like we’d done more than we had, too, because my hair was a mess, curls sticking up all over, and with the blankets, it was hard to tell what we were wearing.

“I knew it!” Stacey said a third time, spinning to look at Mary Anne. “I told you so.”

Mary Anne blew out a slow breath. Kristy was her best friend. Dawn was her step-sister _and_ her other best friend. There were still plenty of ways this could be weird and awkward.

“You didn’t have to hide this,” she said. She sounded a little hurt, but she wasn’t tearing up. “I’m not going to get mad or anything. You can date whoever you want, Abby. Dawn doesn’t have a say in that.”

Oh. _Oh._ I hadn’t even thought she’d take it like that.

“We weren’t hiding anything,” Kristy said. She went over to Mary Anne and took her hand. “I swear. First kiss was last night.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Totally,” I said and finally shed the last blanket twisted around my legs. “I’d tell you, Mary Anne. I’m not worried about you telling Dawn or anything.”

“I won’t, you know,” she promised.

I shrugged. “Like I said, I’m not worried. You don’t have to hide it, either.”

Mary Anne looked at Kristy then, and they had one of those best friend moments that everyone around me had so often. Silent communication. Even Anna and I did it sometimes, though I mostly thought it was ridiculous. Use your words, people.

“God, can’t any of you be quiet?” Claudia asked. She staggered out of the bedroom, silk kimono fluttering about her, a sharp contrast to the thick onesie she wore, the legs hand-painted with circus animals. “If you’re going to wake me up so early, I demand food.”

Stacey put her hand on Claudia’s shoulder and aimed her toward the kitchen. “You always demand food,” she said, but got Claudia seated at the table and brought her a chocolate muffin and a can of soda. “Try to wake up already.”

Food sounded like a great idea. I headed over to join them.

“Look at all the snow!” While I’d been thinking about food, Mary Anne and Kristy had finished their silent exchange and now Mary Anne stood at the window, looking out. “I think we might be stuck here another day.”

Everyone but Claudia rushed over to take a look. Claudia put her head on the table.

“Wow,” Stacey said. She leaned so close that her breath fogged the glass. “It’s almost a blizzard out there.”

“Pretty sure it is,” Kristy told her. “Good thing we’ve got plenty of food and firewood. Mary Anne’s right, there’s no way we’ll get out of here before tomorrow. It might take even longer for them to get the roads cleared.”

“What a shame,” Mary Anne said, shaking her head slowly. Then I caught the sly curl at the corner of her mouth. “If only you had someone here to kiss the time away.”

Kristy squawked and smacked her. Stacey and I laughed.

And back at the table, Claudia gave a little snore.

 

 

 

 

We were stuck a full extra day, but Shadow Lake was prepped for snow and the salt trucks had the road cleared by the next evening. We didn’t leave until the morning after, though, because it was a long drive back to Stoneybrook and no one wanted to make it overnight.

No one really wanted to leave, either.

Finally, though, we had to clean up the cabin, pack our bags, and load up. We all took the same seats again, and we had plenty of snacks thanks to Claudia being way over prepared. Mary Anne did one final check to make sure we had everything, then, as she settled into the passenger seat, she turned to Kristy.

“This was great,” she said. “Best Shadow Lake trip yet. Thanks for making it happen.”

“Yeah, thank you!” Claudia chimed in from the third row.

“It really was fun,” Stacey added, then laughed. “Though some of us had a little more fun than the others.”

I flipped her off. That just made her laugh harder.

The drive back was fun, but we were all tired. Claudia dozed off first, but Stacey wasn’t far behind. Kristy turned up the radio, Mary Anne lost herself in a book, and I stared out the window for a long time, watching the snowy trees rush past.

Eventually, I fell asleep, too.

I didn’t wake until we stopped for lunch and gas; that pepped us up, and the rest of the drive was full of gossip and laughter and teasing. We talked about what was coming up next semester and rehashed the stupid pranks Alan Gray and Cary Retlin did last semester and were likely to do when school was back in session. Kristy’s softball season was coming up, and she was excited about leading her team.

When my soccer season ended, my last one at SHS, I nearly cried. Kristy was already stressed about graduation. I hoped she’d be okay when her season ended. I didn’t say anything now, though. I’d be there for her if she wanted to talk about it later, but I expected she’d go to Mary Anne about that.

I would make sure we spent plenty of time running together. That’d get her out of her worries.

By the time we reached the Thomas-Brewer house, everyone was ready to go home and crash. Stacey and Claudia had driven over together, so they hauled their things into Stacey’s car, hugged us good-bye, and headed out. Mary Anne lingered a little, talking quietly to Kristy, but she gave me a big hug, too, before she left.

I slung my bag over my shoulder and gathered up my ski gear. Kristy stepped in front of me before I could head down the street to my house.

“Want to come over for dinner tomorrow night?” she asked.

“Of course I do.” It didn’t matter what they were having, either; Watson, her step-father, was a great cook, and pretty much everything tasted good. Plus my mom was rarely home, and I was half sick of all the places that delivered. “Can Anna come too?”

“Sure.” Kristy leaned in then, giving me time to pull away. I caught her off guard and surged into the kiss. It was quicker this time; we weren’t alone, and neither of us were big on PDA.

When I pulled back, I bared my teeth in a grin, the same one I used on the soccer field when I faced my rivals. “Forty-two-seventy-five, Abby,” I said.

Kristy’s laughter followed me down the street. “Yeah, right!” she shouted after me. “I’m kicking your ass, Stevenson.”

“In your dreams!”

The lights were on upstairs at my house; Anna was home from France. I started jogging, my bags thumping against my body. I couldn’t wait to tell her about our weekend, about skiing and the blizzard.

About Kristy.

I’d had a great time at Shadow Lake, but it was always good to come home.


End file.
